Excerpt from
SCENE 2
(A doctor’s office. Max,
in a white coat, with a stethoscope around his
neck, stands facing Dad, dressed
in grey slacks and a blue blazer.)
MAX
You have never come to my office before, dad. I’m a little
surprised… by this visit.
DAD (Chuckling)
Yeah! I figured you would be… surprised, I mean.
MAX
Is anything the matter?
(Pause. Dad looks at Max speculatively.)
DAD
I wanted to see you about something.
(Pause.
Dad removes his glasses and polishes them with his handkerchief.)
MAX
I’m waiting, dad.
DAD
I want you to give me an examination.
MAX
Why didn’t you go to your regular doctor? Dr. Feldman? He
has all your medical records.
DAD
Hilda wants me to see you. She says this is a family matter
and I should come see you… I guess she’s right. You’re all the family I have…
there’s Matt, but I don’t know where Matt is… (He frowns.) He disappeared
without leaving any traces, as the newspapers say.
MAX (Looking at Dad critically)
You look a little tired… You’re overworking, as usual.
DAD
No, I don’t overwork any more… I quit working two weeks ago.
MAX
You’re retired now?
DAD
Yeah. Hilda wanted me to… I asked my partner to buy me out,
and he offered me a lump sum settlement, with the firm’s condo in
(He
grins. Max is not amused.)
MAX
Why did you quit working? Is anything the matter?
DAD
I feel weak. (Pause) All my strength is ebbing, perhaps oozing
is the better word… You know what I mean?
MAX
I see… Well, we’ll find out what’s wrong with you… I’ll give
you a complete physical.
DAD (Defensively)
I hate a physical… I hate it when a doctor puts on a latex
glove and pokes his finger up my ass… What I was hoping you’d do was give me a
shot of Vitamin B12, to boost my energy. Baseball players get that shot all the
time.
MAX
We have to look for the root cause, dad.
DAD
Root cause? There’s no root cause. I’m a little tired, and if you give me that shot I’ll be fine…
MAX
Dad, only a quack will give you a shot of Vitamin B12, when
you complain of tiredness. We normally give it to people with pernicious anemia,
and you don’t have it.
DAD
What do you think I have?
MAX
I don’t think anything, dad. I want to be sure of the facts
before I give an opinion.
DAD (Miserably)
I feel so disoriented, as though I’m in a thick fog… It’s like the world is moving away from me, in
fast forward, and I’m left behind. My hands shake when I drink a cup of coffee.
(Pause) I’m seventy years old. It’s time
to die, I guess.
MAX
Seventy is not old these days. Seventy is the new fifty,
they say.
DAD
Says who?
MAX
The media… the columnists… the talking heads on TV.
DAD
Aw, those bastards… they mislead us. What do they know?
They’re full of hot air.
MAX
There is truth in what they are saying, dad. With good
medical care, even a man of eighty can lead an active life. I have a patient
who is eighty three and he walks four miles a day, and he can climb ten flights
of stairs without being winded.
DAD
I can’t do any of that. (Pause) Listen, I thought you were gonna help me, but all you’re doing is giving me a pep talk. (Irritably) I didn’t want to come here in the first place. Hilda made me do it. (Pause) I guess I’ll go see Dr. Feldman. He’ll give me what I want.
(He rises to go.)
MAX
Sit down, dad. No point in getting excited before a
physical. Your blood pressure will shoot up. Relax, and we’ll talk things over…
By the way, how is Hilda?
DAD (Calmer)
She’s fine. She would’ve come with me but she had to be at a
board meeting for one of her charities. Charity begins at home, I told her. She
wasn’t amused. (He chuckles) That reminds
me… She told me to thank you for the flowers you sent her for her birthday
yesterday… Those roses must’ve set you back
fifty or sixty dollars… She said she’d call you later in the day.
MAX
Did you go out for her birthday?
DAD
She wouldn’t let me take her out… She thought I’d drink too
much, and stuff myself with food… You know I can’t resist steak an’ lobster…
and clams and mussels… and French fries and biscuits… and
MAX
It’s a good thing she keeps an eye on you.
DAD
I don’t know if it’s a good thing… I’ve been with her ever since your mom died…It’s soon gonna be twenty years. “Let’s get married on our twentieth anniversary,” she says to me. “Who would wanna marry either of us now,” I tell her, “we’re too old.” (He chuckles, then grins.) I keep telling her I’m looking for someone younger to replace her. “Over my dead body,” she tells me… the trouble with women is that they boss you around, and give you lectures every day on your faults and weaknesses… And they want equality with men, even when they act so fucking superior.
(He smashes his fist into the palm of his other hand.)
Damn… I feel so tired… I missed two Yankee games… that reminds me.
(He searches his pockets and brings out two tickets.)
Here’s two tickets for the Wednesday game with the Red Sox.
Take
MAX (Looking at the tickets)
Third row, near first base… I’ve never been this close to
the field…
DAD
I’d like to see the Red Sox given a licking.
MAX (Smiling)
I hate to tell you this, dad, but
DAD
I knew there was something wrong with her the moment I set eyes on her… It doesn’t surprise me she’s a Red Sox fan.
(He
chuckles, and starts coughing.)
MAX
Dad, let me give you a physical. I would like to find out what’s
wrong. It’s quite likely you might have something that can be taken care of
easily.
DAD (Skeptically)
Yeah? You think so?
MAX
That’s what I’m hoping for. Come into the examination room with me, and put on a paper gown that the nurse will give you. We’ll need your blood and urine samples. I also want a brain scan, just to make sure that we are not overlooking anything… Come on, let’s go.
(They leave together. Max’s cell phone rings. He speaks for a few seconds in a low voice that is not audible to others. He finishes the call and turns to Dad.)
MAX
Guess who I was speaking to?
DAD (Grumpily)
How the fuck do I do know who you were speaking to? I wanna
get out of here.
MAX
That was Matt calling. He’s here, in the city.
DAD
My son Matt?
MAX
Yes.
DAD
The prodigal returns, heh… heh… No fatted calf for him… He shouldn’t have run off with that slut you were engaged to… that tramp.. what’s her name?
MAX
Stacy…
DAD
Stacy… he ran off with her, without leaving a trail… I’d given him up for dead… Now he’s back, you say.
MAX
He wants to have a drink with me this evening.
DAD
He’s up to something. I know my son… He’ll charm you and then take your shirt off your back.
(The intercom on Max’s desk. Max listens on the phone for a few seconds.)
MAX
I have another patient to see Dad. Let’s go to the examination room.
(They leave together.)
(End of scene.)